Tomorrow is the “International Hug a Vegetarian Day” as purported by PETA. The wonderful and oh so marry organization behind the civil rights for animals and retraction of concern for humanity. How much more arrogant and self righteous can one be then to create a holiday for one’s self? How about I make an “International Beat Your Kids Relentlessly Day”…
“Who doesn’t love “Hug a Vegetarian” Day? It’s always a smashing success with tens of thousands of people taking part around the world. Check out some photos here if you don’t believe that vegetarians make better huggers!”
It’s a smashing success? I’ve only heard of it just 10 minutes ago God damn it. And I get your sweet little quip, but how smug are you to say that vegetarians make better huggers. Just like they make better lovers, members of society, and all that other hub bub you shove around in your propaganda about how awesome you are for not eating meat. I’m sorry honey, but you shit smells just as foul as mine does. I just take pride in my farts! This viral epidemic of elitism and self worship through the entity of defenseless creatures is mind boggling to me. Of all the things in the world I hate and dislike, this for some reason is the one at the top of my list that I want to rip from the face of this planet like the plague it is.
Human’s weren’t supposed to eat meat.
Yeah, I’ve heard this debate. And it makes me cringe. A very long time ago when we were still in trees climbing around and being the little monkeys we were. We evolved some very unique processes to survive. We were prey, we ate leaves and fruits, and had many threats in the world. We needed a defense mechanism, all the other mammals were developing heightened sight and senses to see where enemies were for themselves. They decided to be self sufficient. The primemate on the other hand went a very bizarre route, it utilized a small unexploited process of the animal kingdom.
Yep, we decided to instead become extremely social animals. Instead of basic small social nets of a mother and children like most animals. And even more complex then packs like that of wolves. We went a lot further and formed large groups of primemates, we didn’t have to be related or anything. We just grouped up, and most primemates today still use this for protection. This wasn’t to be “happy”, happiness as an emotion and all the other complex emotions we developed were a result of this decission. We were in much larger groups so that way there were more eyes and ears to pay attention for danger. But we had to trust one another, to keep the group strong and large. So it became necessary to recognize each other. Our brains began growing and our eyes began reacting more to different colours and complex images. We needed to be able to recognize one another and be able to store a memory of each individual. No longer are we en masse, we could easily distinguish our brother from our cousin.
This process developed for years and several species related to us ran with it and grew more complex. Hence the massive social networks of nearly all primemate species. They groom and communicate with each other. They hug and sleep next to each other. They grow extremely attatched to one another all for the sake of protection and survival. But one species of all of these, us, the pre human, human. They took it further. This increase in brain size allowed them to learn about tools. We no longer had to evolve growths on our bodies to perform tasks. Becoming a predator was no longer an evolutionary step of growing the teeth and claws needed. We just had to build the tool to make it. And we exploited this massively. We invented fire, and sharp weapons. Overnight we could now become predators. Using our social networks we were able to get into large groups and overnight have the powerful hunting senses of other predators. We put this all together and were able to start taking down other animals for consumption.
We were still relatively dumb, and putting ourselves into these hunting situations put our lives at risk. We needed more protection, so evolution stepped in. Instead of evolving different attack and defense body parts. We put all our evolution power into the one thing that granted us this amazing power to think and create tools. Our brain. We wanted a complex strong brain, and with that we could protect ourselves by building defense items instead of growing them. This takes work though, lots of work. See the brain consumes the most energy in our body, it is so hungry for energy that it even consumes it in our sleep when most of the rest of our body shuts down. There’s other parts that consume large quantities of energy as well. The heart, the lungs, and the digestive track. Well we need our heart, we can’t take energy from that… it’s how we push energy around our body. And we certainly need our lungs, with out that we don’t have the oxygen to burn in processing sugars and proteins. This left one other thing, the digestive track, now this we could probably make much more efficient with the correct adjustments.
Food is hard to eat
It’s hard to eat. The body spends a lot of the energy it gets from food just to digest new food. You want to hear the most surprising part. It’s very hard to digest vegetation. Plants are tough little things, and don’t like to be broken up. Most herbivores have very complex digestive systems to consume plant life and be able to survive off the nutrients in it. The bovine has grown such a complex system that it can actually extract more energy from grass then it takes to digest it. It took multiple stomachs and symbiocis with countless number of bacterium. In all actuality the bovine (or cow) isn’t a herbivore. Instead it’s a farmer. It has several eco systems that it maintains inside its body as stomachs. In these stomachs they grow large amounts of bascterium, which they feed large quantities of grass. The bacterium in turn consume the grass, split, and grow larger populations. The cow then finally pushes all these bacterium through their intestine and absorb the carbs and proteins from the bacteria. In turn they are actually eating the bacteria
We had a complex digestive track to digest plants as well. Nothing as awesome as the grazers of the Earth, but instead it was big and cost a lot of energy. We had this meat though, it was slightly easier to digest because it contained far more energy in smaller quantities. Now read that again, I didn’t say that it isn’t hard to digest, yes the meat does have the downside of rotting in our gut sometimes, but the amount of energy is far greater in meat then in vegetables. We could eat smaller quantities of food and get the same amount of energy as before. Fire to the rescue. By cutting up meat and burning it, the meat was slightly digested before we ate it. This removed some of the nutrients in the meat, but it was still high quantity and it was predigested for us with 0 energy use. We started eating cooked food to make it easier on our digestive track to eat!
Now with our eating problem made efficient, we can now as a species reduce the energy cost of our digestive track and in turn send all this extra energy to the growth of the brain. Our bodies actually evolved to consume meat, we are supposed to!
That just leaves your moral decission to eat meat. And if you don’t want to, don’t. I don’t care. But you assholes who try saying I’m a horrible human being for eating meat can lick my balls. Further more jokes like this holiday tomorrow… they can rot in hell!